I guess today is the day to blog about everything we went through in 2007. I am going to sum it all up by talking about today. Fuck the past its worthless unless you learn from it and grow from it. 2007 for me and I will speak for my family might have been a turning point in all our lives. I went through things that changed me as a person and things I should have learned from the past. Heidi is now in a better place in her life and in a mental place that she can thrive. Brooke started a new chapter in yet another AND LAST new city. Jake....well that brings us to today. Hanging by a thread and still looking for that lifeline. Back at the Dr's office with now something stuck in his stomach. No idea what it is but I am sitting here waiting for a phone call. Worked out as hard as I have worked out in a long time today and cried for him. I think I was actually crying for the entire year all wrapped up in one stupid day. Today.
Like Josh, I will not be feeling or possibly remembering anything tonight. If there is a ball that drops hopefully it drops and smashes 2007 into smithereens!!! There will be lyrics at the end of this blog so don't worry. 5 Things we/I will be doing in 2008:
1. Lose 10-15 lbs. Weight 185 now and have to get further away from 200. 200 scares me.
2. Save Money.
3. Brooke took more of an interest in b-ball, and has helped me get back into it by going with me to the gym to shoot. She rebounds (most important part in b-ball) and I shoot. I want to spend more time with her shooting and me rebounding.
4. Love Heidi. Jan 10th will be 10 years. Oh My.
5. Work smarter, Not harder.
So here are the lyrics that I promised you. Just sums up how I feel today and felt in 2007.
make me feel like a beggar
make me feel like a thief
make me feel like a battle that cannot end in peace
make me feel like running as if i've lost my nerve
make me feel like crying tears i don't deserve
is this really living
sometimes it's hard to tell
or is this just a kinder, gentler hell
turn out the lights and let me stare into your soul
i was born and bled for you to hold
please bleed
so i know that you are real
so i know that you can feel
the damage that you've done
who have i become
to myself i am numb
never said thank you
never said please
never gave a reason to believe
so as it stands i remain on my knees
good lovers make great enemies
Monday, December 31, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Not so Merry...
How sad is this on Christmas! As I continue to blog my way into the world record of consecutive blogs....I had to blog about this. My buddy is down for the count. The world got the best of him; all his cheer, wagging of tails, sniffing of everything has come to a creaching halt for the next 30 days. Stitches in one paw with the half bandage, then a possible broken toe on the other leg. Its currently in a splint. X-rays were negative, but too much swelling to be for sure. How? We have no idea. Cut on the paw happend because of our landscaping in the back yard.
Saddest part of the whole deal was having to sign at the Vets office a YES or a NO on if I wanted them to perform CPR. Well fuck me running, why wouldnt I right? I asked the nurse and she said read the top and I quote "In the event my pet is to go into cardiac and/or respiratory arrest my desire for CPR is as follows ***Additional fees of $150 or GREATER will be accrued when performing CPR." Very cruel joke from the same world that took his traits away.
Somebody throw him a LIFELINE
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
In Memory
First listen to Ambulance Blues by Neil Young in the dark tonight with candles. Next PLEASE find this song (Amen Omen) sung live by Ben Harper and listen to his pain.
what started as a whisper
slowly turned into a scream
searching for an answer
where the question is unseen
i don't know where you came from
and i don't know where you've gone
old friends become old strangers
between the darkness and the dawn
amen omen
will i see your face again
amen omen
can i find the place within
to live my life without you
i listen to a whisper
slowly drift away
silence is the loudest
parting word you never say
i put your world
into my veins
now a voiceless sympathy
is all that remains
what started as a whisper
slowly turned into a scream
searching for an answer
where the question is unseen
i don't know where you came from
and i don't know where you've gone
old friends become old strangers
between the darkness and the dawn
amen omen
will i see your face again
amen omen
can i find the place within
to live my life without you
i listen to a whisper
slowly drift away
silence is the loudest
parting word you never say
i put your world
into my veins
now a voiceless sympathy
is all that remains
Friday, December 14, 2007
Tyler Durden
Since the last couple have been mind numbing long. I figured I would leave you with some great quotes from one of the greatest movies ever. I would tell you what movie it is but Rule #1 is that you dont talk about it....Rule #2 you dont talk about it...
"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic.
You have been warned- Tyler
"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic.
You have been warned- Tyler
Monday, December 10, 2007
Now this is Rock and Roll
Quotes from two Volta compatriots offer a relevant lead-in:
“The things you speak to can shape your world. Look at Biggie. "Ready to Die". Dead. Word.”
— Saul Williams (again)
“This is the sound of what you dont know killing you. This is the sound of what you dont believe, still true. This is the sound of what you dont want, still in you.”
—El-P
And so, all that being said, here is The Story (and various annotations): Omar (lead singer) was in a curio shop in Jerusalem when he found the Soothsayer. It seemed to him an ideal gift for Cedric, this archaic Ouija-style “talking board.” So it was then and there, in a city where the air swims with religious fervor, in a shop that might as well have carried monkeys paws and Mogwais, that Omar changed the fate of The Mars Volta forever.
Had he known at that moment that the boards history stretched far beyond its novelty appearance, that its very fibers were soaked through with something terribly other, that the choral death and desire of a multi-headed Goliath was waiting behind its gates… well, he might have left it at rest there on the dusty shelves.
The Upside of That Choice: No bad mojo unleashed. Erase the madness that followed. Erase the bizarre connection to a love/lust/murder triangle that threatened to spill out into the present every time the band let its fingers drift over the board.
The Downside: No Soothsayer means The Bedlam in Goliath never would have existed. And it turns out that this demented spiritual black hole of a muse has driven The Mars Volta to produce a crowning moment in their already stellar career.
So if Omar hadnt given in to his curiosity and brought the Soothsayer home to Cedric then the band would probably have been happier, healthier, less haunted.
But you and I, Lucky Listener, we would have been robbed of one fucking amazing album.
More on that in a moment.
Back up to the last big tour. The Volta and the Red Hot Chili Peppers are tearing venues in half, retreating to their busses, rolling through the night. But instead of the normal Rock God routines the guys are sitting around Cedric‟s new Ouija board, which theyve dubbed the Soothsayer. And they love it— its the new post-show addiction.
The Soothsayer offers them names: Goliath, Mr. Mugs, Patience Worth, Tourniquet Man.
The Soothsayer offers them a story: Its always about a man, a woman, and her mother. About the lust floating between them. About seduction and infidelity. And
pain. And eventually, murder. Entrails and absence and curses and oblivion. Exactly the kind of spooky shit youd want from your Ouija.
Now here comes the rub.
The Soothsayer starts asking the band what they have to offer. This connection thats set up runs both ways, and the invisible voices begin to speak of their appetites.
They threaten oblivion and dissolution, or offer it as seduction. The voices merge as Goliath, a metaphysical quagmire and unfed saint whose hunger to return to the real world grows more urgent with each connection.
There are proper ways to close this union, but The Mars Volta have never been anything if not adventurous. They stay in contact— even taking phrases from the board and inserting them as song lyrics— but never offer themselves as surrogates. And so the starving Goliath extends its influence.
Inexplicable equipment issues abound while on tour.
Conflict with the existing drummer escalates and results in a change of guard. Ritual gives way to injury and Cedric is laid low by a randomly (and severely) gimped foot.
A completely reliable engineers mental composure cracks, pushing him from the project. The tracks he leaves behind are desperately tangled.
Omars music studio floods, threatening to send him right over the same precipice as the engineer.
Long-term album delays hit and people aren‟t sleeping well.
Nonsensical words and phrases the board had previously spoken begin to pop up in things like documentaries about mass suicide.
The Soothsayer keeps telling the same story but the details are becoming more brutal.
One day the label on the board peels back revealing pre-Aramaic lingo written across weird cone shapes.
Its bad mojo writ large, and things are crumbling quickly.
Worst of all, the board has shifted from pleas to demands.
To threats.
So they buried the fucking thing.
There are many ways to close a spiritual connection. Wear white for a whole year. Surround yourself with salt. Close a board and ask someone else to open it, thus transferring the ownership. Break the board into seven pieces and sprinkle it with holy water. Or bury it.
Omar wrapped the Soothsayer in cloth and found a proper place for it in the soil. Cedric asked that he never be made aware of its location.
And then their album found a new, more urgent purpose.
The Bedlam in Goliath is here to consecrate the grounds where the Soothsayer lies in wait. Its metaphor vs. metaphysics. Its story will be told to you and I, Lucky Listener, and were the ones re-opening the board. Taking on the ownership.
Perhaps if Goliath is spread between us all its hunger will dissipate. Or, as it threatened, it could become our epidemic.
So theres the story, up to today, but its not over. Because this thing is about to enter the hearts and minds of countless listeners.
“The things you speak to can shape your world. Look at Biggie. "Ready to Die". Dead. Word.”
— Saul Williams (again)
“This is the sound of what you dont know killing you. This is the sound of what you dont believe, still true. This is the sound of what you dont want, still in you.”
—El-P
And so, all that being said, here is The Story (and various annotations): Omar (lead singer) was in a curio shop in Jerusalem when he found the Soothsayer. It seemed to him an ideal gift for Cedric, this archaic Ouija-style “talking board.” So it was then and there, in a city where the air swims with religious fervor, in a shop that might as well have carried monkeys paws and Mogwais, that Omar changed the fate of The Mars Volta forever.
Had he known at that moment that the boards history stretched far beyond its novelty appearance, that its very fibers were soaked through with something terribly other, that the choral death and desire of a multi-headed Goliath was waiting behind its gates… well, he might have left it at rest there on the dusty shelves.
The Upside of That Choice: No bad mojo unleashed. Erase the madness that followed. Erase the bizarre connection to a love/lust/murder triangle that threatened to spill out into the present every time the band let its fingers drift over the board.
The Downside: No Soothsayer means The Bedlam in Goliath never would have existed. And it turns out that this demented spiritual black hole of a muse has driven The Mars Volta to produce a crowning moment in their already stellar career.
So if Omar hadnt given in to his curiosity and brought the Soothsayer home to Cedric then the band would probably have been happier, healthier, less haunted.
But you and I, Lucky Listener, we would have been robbed of one fucking amazing album.
More on that in a moment.
Back up to the last big tour. The Volta and the Red Hot Chili Peppers are tearing venues in half, retreating to their busses, rolling through the night. But instead of the normal Rock God routines the guys are sitting around Cedric‟s new Ouija board, which theyve dubbed the Soothsayer. And they love it— its the new post-show addiction.
The Soothsayer offers them names: Goliath, Mr. Mugs, Patience Worth, Tourniquet Man.
The Soothsayer offers them a story: Its always about a man, a woman, and her mother. About the lust floating between them. About seduction and infidelity. And
pain. And eventually, murder. Entrails and absence and curses and oblivion. Exactly the kind of spooky shit youd want from your Ouija.
Now here comes the rub.
The Soothsayer starts asking the band what they have to offer. This connection thats set up runs both ways, and the invisible voices begin to speak of their appetites.
They threaten oblivion and dissolution, or offer it as seduction. The voices merge as Goliath, a metaphysical quagmire and unfed saint whose hunger to return to the real world grows more urgent with each connection.
There are proper ways to close this union, but The Mars Volta have never been anything if not adventurous. They stay in contact— even taking phrases from the board and inserting them as song lyrics— but never offer themselves as surrogates. And so the starving Goliath extends its influence.
Inexplicable equipment issues abound while on tour.
Conflict with the existing drummer escalates and results in a change of guard. Ritual gives way to injury and Cedric is laid low by a randomly (and severely) gimped foot.
A completely reliable engineers mental composure cracks, pushing him from the project. The tracks he leaves behind are desperately tangled.
Omars music studio floods, threatening to send him right over the same precipice as the engineer.
Long-term album delays hit and people aren‟t sleeping well.
Nonsensical words and phrases the board had previously spoken begin to pop up in things like documentaries about mass suicide.
The Soothsayer keeps telling the same story but the details are becoming more brutal.
One day the label on the board peels back revealing pre-Aramaic lingo written across weird cone shapes.
Its bad mojo writ large, and things are crumbling quickly.
Worst of all, the board has shifted from pleas to demands.
To threats.
So they buried the fucking thing.
There are many ways to close a spiritual connection. Wear white for a whole year. Surround yourself with salt. Close a board and ask someone else to open it, thus transferring the ownership. Break the board into seven pieces and sprinkle it with holy water. Or bury it.
Omar wrapped the Soothsayer in cloth and found a proper place for it in the soil. Cedric asked that he never be made aware of its location.
And then their album found a new, more urgent purpose.
The Bedlam in Goliath is here to consecrate the grounds where the Soothsayer lies in wait. Its metaphor vs. metaphysics. Its story will be told to you and I, Lucky Listener, and were the ones re-opening the board. Taking on the ownership.
Perhaps if Goliath is spread between us all its hunger will dissipate. Or, as it threatened, it could become our epidemic.
So theres the story, up to today, but its not over. Because this thing is about to enter the hearts and minds of countless listeners.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Twiddly Dee Twiddly Do
Yesterday was a bit of a treat. It all started when Heidi called me on my cell phone at 3:30. Her words exactly..."Where are you" "Your dog is bleeding everywhere" "You need to get home." I was downtown so with traffic on a Friday night it was going to be a bit on the hard side to click my heals together and magically appear. So I proceeded to come home as fast as I could. I called back thinking she would be a little more calm or something. Nope. Next words..."He is bleeding all over the yard" Alright at this point I am in visioning that he is lying in the yard in a pool of blood, so now I am freaking out big time. I guess too many episodes of ER, Greys Anatomy and CSI. So know I am speeding home. I rush into the garage get my wound healing medicine out of my hunting bag and proceed outside to see Jake. Dude at this point I was ready to pull out my own heart and stick it in his blood riddle body if needed. I walk out the back door and he is just laying there...........(american idol pause)..................Pretty suspenseful huh. Yeah, he is laying there licking his paw. There were about 5 drops of blood on the deck and that was it. He had a small cut on his paw in between his toes. I put my wound healing medicine (super glue)on him and proceeded to get ready to drink.
Heidi and I got all spiffed up and went to her works christmas party. Free Guinness for me. Had a funny conversation with Gpa on the ride to the bar. He was telling me about his bus ride through Mexico. I cant see him having to sit in a bus, but he said he had fun. Then he tells me he is thinking of flying to Europe. Oh My. In my lifetime I have never seen them or Gma-Gpa Hump fly anywhere. They have always drove to their destination. So he then started taking about people on the bus and you could tell he didnt want to curse. So he threw out this one liner that I had to write down before I forgot. He said some of the people and I quote were: "being the north end of a south bound mule." Just think about it and you will understand. Almost as good as the "fawderal" (not sure how to spell) comment.
At the bar I got to talking to this sales dude. He was the same age as me and just talking to him you knew he could sell you soap as you walk out of the shower. He owns like 2 or 3 different companies and once he gets a company up and running he takes that money that they are making and invests it in another company. Novel idea. He was just starting to get into the foreclosure business with buying houses that had been foreclosed for very, very cheap. Then selling them or renting them until the market gets better. Pretty smart guy. Dont know why I am telling you this other than if you think about it is really must be nice to have balls that big. I think most of us in our family are pretty conservative. Which most times is not bad at all, but sometimes we need to just fuck it and take a chance. Use whatever cliche you would like at this point.
So that was my day yesterday. Today nothing but Advil and rest.
Heidi and I got all spiffed up and went to her works christmas party. Free Guinness for me. Had a funny conversation with Gpa on the ride to the bar. He was telling me about his bus ride through Mexico. I cant see him having to sit in a bus, but he said he had fun. Then he tells me he is thinking of flying to Europe. Oh My. In my lifetime I have never seen them or Gma-Gpa Hump fly anywhere. They have always drove to their destination. So he then started taking about people on the bus and you could tell he didnt want to curse. So he threw out this one liner that I had to write down before I forgot. He said some of the people and I quote were: "being the north end of a south bound mule." Just think about it and you will understand. Almost as good as the "fawderal" (not sure how to spell) comment.
At the bar I got to talking to this sales dude. He was the same age as me and just talking to him you knew he could sell you soap as you walk out of the shower. He owns like 2 or 3 different companies and once he gets a company up and running he takes that money that they are making and invests it in another company. Novel idea. He was just starting to get into the foreclosure business with buying houses that had been foreclosed for very, very cheap. Then selling them or renting them until the market gets better. Pretty smart guy. Dont know why I am telling you this other than if you think about it is really must be nice to have balls that big. I think most of us in our family are pretty conservative. Which most times is not bad at all, but sometimes we need to just fuck it and take a chance. Use whatever cliche you would like at this point.
So that was my day yesterday. Today nothing but Advil and rest.
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